just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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