so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize