I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
