just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize