Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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