U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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