I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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