I hate your face
operation have a gay friend backfired
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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