She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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