I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
