How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
