Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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