but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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