One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
