Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
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remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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