My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
You did what with his pubic hair?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
