I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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