I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
