Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Let's get the cat blown out
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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