Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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