I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
