i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Shame - the story of my life.
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