I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
