When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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