Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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