.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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