he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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