Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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