When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We just shotgunned beers for America
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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