just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
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