You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
