Have you finally orgasmed yet?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
