We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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