So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
