i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
