we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
