he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
