hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My vagina is very pro this idea
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
