My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
