shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
