and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
