Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
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I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
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The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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