don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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