Do you still have your period?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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