Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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