party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
