he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
