nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
