btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
