My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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