i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
as a side note pls kill me
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
