just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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