Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
