Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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