so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
