You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
