sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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