I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
