wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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