Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
