i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
