You smell like stripper and shame
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
