I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
