he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
