dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
