U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Randomize
