That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
