Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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