So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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