ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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