3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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