a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize