i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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