I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
