bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
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